Sea of Emotions
Not long after I started hospice nursing, I sensed that much of the work would be emotional in nature. As a new RN case manager, I often felt inadequate when faced with the big end-of-life issues patients and families they were going through.
Thankfully, I had wise teammates — especially our social workers — who were skilled at navigating these complex and often tense conversations. I watched them, listened closely, and learned. They became treasured mentors to me.
Then one day, a patient looked at me and said, “I want to die. I just want to die.”
That moment did something to my tender heart. I did not know what to say. How do you respond to something so raw, so final?
I consulted our hospice medical director on how to handle this. He listened and tried to talk me through the swirl of emotions I was going through. He did his best to support me through my mini melt down. In the end, when he saw I was inconsolable, he encouraged me to go home and take a break — to give my mind and heart some distance. And he was right. I needed that space. I was better the next day because I had taken the time to rest and recover. Only after that could I process what happened the day before.
Later, I cared for a patient who reminded me deeply of my father, who I was very close to. That emotional connection stirred something unexpected in me. I stopped to talked to our bereavement counselor, and her thoughtful questions helped me look at my experience from a new angle. It was the perspective I did not know I needed.
These early experiences hit me hard. But as I worked through them, they shaped me. I became stronger on the inside. Over time, I’ve learned to sit with families through difficult moments and be a steady presence. I’ve learned to listen more than speak. And while I’ve grown, I still have moments when something touches a soft place in me — and the tears well up in my eyes. That’s just being human. And it’s ok.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again:
You are not alone in this work.
Lean on your team. Let them be your strength when you’re still finding your footing. They understand. And they know — you’re still learning.
Affirmation
In the middle of strong emotions, I will pause, breathe, and remember I don’t have to carry everything at once — I am part of a hospice team, and I am not alone.”
Self care tip
Before or after a challenging visit, take a quiet moment — even just 2 minutes — to sit somewhere still, close your eyes, and take three slow, intentional breaths. Let each breath remind you that you are supported, not alone, and you are doing your best.
